I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
