You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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