five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
