I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
