so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
nutella sex= disaster
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
