just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
