im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
