Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize