I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
