Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Who died my cat blue again?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
