Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
