If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
