Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
