The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
