She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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