Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
