i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
