you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
