Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
