I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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