it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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