he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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