Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
