Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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