walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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