"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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