I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
