i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
