Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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