It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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