what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
