somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
