I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
