I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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