there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
