she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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