that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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