tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
