just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
