It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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