Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
