I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize