So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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