I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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