well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
