Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
