i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
