you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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