walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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