I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
