Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
