WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
