mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's shark week go big or go home
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize