Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
