I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
