I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
