Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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