connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
