We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
