WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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