All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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