Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
