Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize