i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
