I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
