honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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