dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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