she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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