I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
