One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
