Don't you send me to vm
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
