Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
